her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
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i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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