Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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