im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
