Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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