Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
