she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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