accomplished twins. life is a go
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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