So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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