im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
