I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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