you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
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Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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