When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
