You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
