what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
