i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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