you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
