we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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