something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
