some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
