Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
