Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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