I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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