what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
