Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
