He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.