Say something about gay babies.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
