i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
