I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
