Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You pole danced in your parka.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
