how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
