It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We need a shit load of segways right now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
