I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
