YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
