forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
