just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
