Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
