So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
