I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
