I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
