I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How does it feel to date your dad?
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