I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
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when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.