Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit