her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
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All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.