she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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