she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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