I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
