Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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