apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
