So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
