i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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