I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
