I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
where are my eyebrows?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
