just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
