I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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