Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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