Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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