i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dicks are not precious.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
