his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
