I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
