I just cut my nipple shaving
That's when you crack a 10am beer
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
