A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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