the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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