You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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