also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
