Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
