all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
