Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
