Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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