My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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