too bad you live with your parents still
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
