I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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