just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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